Thursday, January 24, 2008

Branding is Witchcraft

I just ate some Bumble Bee salmon (premium-priced) and Madam crabmeat (gushily priced at a very stinky Asian grocery store on Broadway in Elmhurst). In this world of uncertainty, how can one be sure that one is not getting poisoned? It's great, the Bush Dystopia. It used to be that food poisoning was an aberration, something untoward that of course the government was set up to protect us from (the FDA). Now it's a great big casino out there, where you pays your money and you takes your chances. The Bumble Bee salmon is actually from Thailand, although the cute big-eyed sweeping lashed cartoon bee is smiling at me as American as apple pie. The Madam crab meat is from Vietnam (didn't we lose to them?). All the other brands were from China and I am versed in Chinese quality control. But what about Thailand? Or Vietnam? We suck at keeping our food safe but excel in marketing. Why not extend brands all the way? I know this isn't a new idea but maybe it can provide some reassurance while we gorge on toxins.

The old brands are still juicy (Mr. Clean, Uncle Bens, Aunt Jemima). Let's squeeze them like cow's milk (or soy milk).

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